Making it as a woman who's been hidden all her life
In getting my life together so that I can face the world with the made up face that I’ll have to preset to everyone, it becomes necessary to start getting things that are going to help that transition. It’s a year of getting outfits together, and I’ve been spending some of my free time looking for something that not only fits, but doesn’t look as if I’m dressed in burlap.
Yes, it’s difficult when you’re “big girl” and you wear a 12 shoe. So many cute outfits, so many cute shoes–so many that ain’t gonna be in your size. Not like I can do anything about it: hell, there’s no evidence that I wouldn’t have turned out this way if I’d started changing way back in the day.
You just suck it up and hope you don’t become Hindenburg sized. Which I feel like at times, but that’s a different story.
So, what have my investigations shown me? It shows there are a lot of things that I need. Such as:
Socks. No, really, this is one of those things I didn’t consider at first, but the more I’m looking, the more I know I need them. And not just a couple of pair. I need something nice to wear with my trousers, some to wear when I’m doing the casual thing, some to wear about the house when I’m cocooning and getting ready to watch Project Runway. I can get these and start wearing them to work now, because I want to feel those.
Hose. While I’m not about to wear skirts and dresses to work yet, I can wear them at home, and hose can be a nice addition for me. Not to mention, I can also wear them with my slacks. Hey, I’m in need of some control toping, you know?
Slacks. I’m looking at a couple of pair of black trousers that I can wear into work, and wear out for every day. Yes, I’ll need a belt, too, but I’m sure I can find something. The nice thing about wearing these is that I can have them on, get used to having people see me in them, probably not know they are women’s (though I’m guessing someone will figure it out), and when the time comes to go, “Surprise!”, let them know I’ve been dressing this way for a while.
Tops. I’m seeing a couple of spring tops that will be nice around the house, and one that I could even wear out without too many double takes. Right now it’s about getting comfortable with being me.
Shoes. This is both easy and hard. I’ve found a couple of shoes that can pass for the ones I wear now, but finding them in my size is the tricky part. I’ve found one pair that would be perfect for work, but they only go up to a 11 M, and I fear they might be a touch small for me. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to get them, try them, and if they don’t work out, send them back. I’ve got my eye on some flats I can wear around the house.
Jewelry. I want to go back to wearing studs at work, and I need to find a good pair that aren’t going to turn my ears black. If anyone says anything–hey, I wear earrings. Got a problem with that?
Purse/Handbag. I didn’t even think about this until I, for some unknown reason, stumbled upon Coach’s site. And just like that, I realized that I need a bag. I don’t mean going to Wal Mart and picking up The Sak, I mean picking up a bag I’m going to like. Something leather and good looking. Sure, I might spend a few hundred on this–just as I will for some great shoes–but it’s worth it, because that’s going to be one thing I’m going to latch on to as a symbol of the “new me”. Yay! Just look! I have my cards and keys in my purse!
There we good. Time to get going on this, and give me some happy.